I was lying in bed, with my eyes closed, dreaming of Zack this morning….it inspired this post.
If I close my eyes, I can feel your arms around my neck, even though it is your twin brother holding me tightly.
If I close my eyes, I can picture you at the top of the stairs, waiting for me to carry you in my arms to play.
If I close my eyes, I can see the scars across your chest showing me the ways in which you were brave.
If I close my eyes, I can hear your squeals of laughter when we used to pretend to sneeze just for you.
If I close my eyes, I can hold your hand feeling the two bent fingers that made you, you.
If I close my eyes, I can hear your cries in the middle of the night.
If I close my eyes, we are rocking softly together and falling asleep in our rocking chair.
If I close my eyes, I can see you sucking your tongue and watching your silly brothers.
If I close my eyes, I can hear you humming “Elmo’s World”.
If I close my eyes, I can feel the heat of your body against me when you had a horrible fever and you wanted to be next to me.
If I close my eyes, I can hear you say “mumumumumum” just for me.
If I close my eyes, you are sitting once again at our table and feeding yourself pudding like a big boy!
If I close my eyes, I’m still trying to count your millions of long eyelashes.
If I close my eyes, you are racing along the sidewalk on your red car, squealing as I try to catch you.
If I close my eyes, you are looking at me with complete and utter love…and it makes me cry.
If I close my eyes, you are still here.
Mish Lockwood
January 6, 2012 at 5:16 pm (12 years ago)Heather….I had to close my eyes….to catch the tears that are falling.
Annabel F
January 6, 2012 at 5:27 pm (12 years ago)Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, Heather. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, feelings and words. xo
Tarasview
January 6, 2012 at 6:23 pm (12 years ago)oh my dear Heather, I am so very sorry for your heartbreak. Close your eyes and dream of sweet Zack often and I pray someday those dreams bring more smiles than tears.
hugs and love to you.
Jennifer Hunt
January 6, 2012 at 6:40 pm (12 years ago)Such a beautiful post to remember such a sweet boy.
All the best to you and your family Heather.
Jennifer
My Big Blue World
Mommy Moment
January 6, 2012 at 6:51 pm (12 years ago)Hugs to you beautiful mama, because I have no words…
Jody
Mommy Moment
Hollie Pollard
January 6, 2012 at 7:26 pm (12 years ago)Beautiful poem for your little boy.
Mom vs. the boys
January 6, 2012 at 8:28 pm (12 years ago)so sweet
Alexandria
January 6, 2012 at 8:28 pm (12 years ago)This is so beautiful, Heather. Thank you for sharing Zack with all of us.
Sara Hodge
January 6, 2012 at 8:39 pm (12 years ago)<3 Heather, this is so beautiful. ((hugs))
TJZMommy
January 6, 2012 at 9:29 pm (12 years ago)He was beautiful…and in my memories he is so vivid. I close my eyes to be close to him and then I wipe those tears.
thank you for letting me share him with you.
H
Smita
January 6, 2012 at 10:27 pm (12 years ago)A beautiful way to remember and feel him….he is always with you xox. Love you.
Wendy S
January 6, 2012 at 11:12 pm (12 years ago)Heather, that was beautiful. Love never ends.
Anita Woo
January 7, 2012 at 3:49 am (12 years ago)Thank you for reminding us that every moment is precious. You are so brave for sharing your sweet Zack with us. Hugs!
Jenn W
January 7, 2012 at 4:01 am (12 years ago)I feel as if I knew him…. such a beautiful poem for what seems to have been such a wonderful boy. May your dreams bring you smiles and wonderful memories.Never stop closing your eyes.
Karen
January 7, 2012 at 4:15 am (12 years ago)What a beautiful post! I could see and hear Zackie as I read each word. Big hugs to you.
karengreeners
January 7, 2012 at 3:44 pm (12 years ago)lovely and heartbreaking.
Anonymous
January 8, 2012 at 12:46 pm (12 years ago)I sometimes feel so selfish. You have lived through the greatest loss one could, your heartbreak to me is unimaginable. Yet I go on with my life sometimes complaining about ridiculous stuff – my kids fighting or how they leave a mess everywhere they go – I can’t imagine how that makes you feel. Then I read what you just wrote and it opens my eyes again to the heartbreak you live with every single day.
It makes me realize I need to be more grateful for all that I have.
xo
heatherty
January 11, 2012 at 3:04 pm (12 years ago)Beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
Joan Elliott
January 14, 2012 at 11:45 pm (12 years ago)Heather, thank you for sharing your heart. I also had to close my eyes… to catch the tears that are falling… and I am sending you a hug.